Sunday, September 25, 2016

This book ... All in ...

Please read it ...

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1646148356

Vaya con Dios (...and hopefully so will I - just as soon - equally broken and beautiful world of God's children)
-MJK-

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Life Quote

It's funny ... I've been writing blog-posts  over the past few months like this is Taylor Swift or Gwyneth Paltrow's blog or something ... like (A) Anybody is actually reading this and (B) Like anyone gives 30 cents short of a quarter (...a nicer way of saying what I wanted to say there ...).

But I really love life quotes, and one liners, bad dad jokes, etc. etc. just about life, love, and everything underneath, above and in-between. Those types of things are one of the few things that get me through.

Came across this one again (had read it before) ... but it should be stamped across my forehead (or tattooed - I have more experience with that ... some people save money for vacations, seems like I do so for tattoos these days) - anyway - here's the quote:

"In my spare time I read, write, and fall in love with unavailable people." (online quote)

Yep. About right across the board there. And all my own fault in all honesty...

Bury me...
Stamp it on the stone...
And put the dirt on top ...
And don't mind to leak a few times on the grave ...
Will need something to keep me warm while I'm down there ... whenever that may be.

On second thought, just throw me in the trashcan ... a funeral and casket is stupid expensive these days (like it's not hard enough to lose someone you love, now you have to go bankrupt for it too ... criminal).

You can save your brown (dirt that is) and I'll save the green (in the pockets of anyone who would have to make that expense), and just raise a "parting glass" to me instead ... maybe pouring a few swigs for good measure down the dumpster I'm in so I can enjoy it with you (...it will be a good night for the alley mice in the dumpsters that night at least  who have been waiting for some wine with their cheese ... I've always been in it for the cheesy guys and gals in life anyhow :)

One last thing to say ...

Musa Ultimum:

 I just want you to know that even though it was your chocolate chips and cinnamon that attracted me to you in the first place - it was the cracks and breaks in your cookie - that you were brave enough to share - that made me crumble for you.

Your weaknesses, not your strengths, are your greatest strengths ... because it is what connects you to God and others.

All I wanted ... and hope I accomplished was ... for you to know I was "out there" somewhere ... for you to know that I HEAR you ... that I SEE you ... that I LOVE you ... and more important than ANY of that...

God HEARS you.
God SEES you.
God LOVES you.

And God put that love in my heart for you as well ... that's how I know it's real.

God chose to give my romantic heart to you ... and I let Him ... and not despite your cracks and breaks ... but because of them.

That's the kind of God who DOES love you. Who ALWAYS HAS loved you. And the God who ALWAYS WILL love you ... cinnamon, chocolate chips, cracks, breaks - and all the crumby stuff in-between - THAT WE ALL have.

He loves it all, and so do I.

I love you. And I always will. I'll pray for you. And I always do.

AND - I will never hurt you to the best of my ability (though sometimes the best parts of love do hurt, that's a good hurt ... I mean bad hurt ... I will never bad hurt you to the best of my ability).

I will never hurt you ... but I also can't let you hurt me.

I have to do my part on my end (just like you do on your end), to protect both of us, and God will do the rest ... for both of us.

I know I love you, because you are the only thing left on this planet that has the power to destroy me if I let you ...

I can't afford that. It would go against myself, it would go against you, and most importantly it would go against the God who gave us ourselves, each other, the world, and my love - my love for you that is - in the first place.

But I promised you my love, and my prayers always - from the beginning.

I will never take that from you ... as long as I am around to offer it.

 And as long as I have God-given breath and consciousness - in whatever kind of existence this really is - I will unceasingly both love, and pray for you - along with the whole world and every person in it - as long as I do exist in any capacity at all ... one day ... one moment ... one breath at a time ... "you have refreshed my heart" (Philemon 1:4-7) ... and I thank God for it as often as I can, with ALL my breaths :)

God be with, God bless, and Godspeed to all as always,
Love,
Kozy

Friday, September 23, 2016

Some Rumi Excerpts

The following are some Rumi excerpts that stick out to me as I read them from the Coleman Barks translation The Essential Rumi: Expanded Edition (Re-published 2004). All credit  for the following goes to Rumi translator Coleman Barks and his publishing company.

Enjoy :)

 "Lovers pitch tents on a field of nowhere.
They are all one color like that field.
A nursing baby does not know the taste of roasted meat.
To the spirit the foodless scent is food.
To an Egyptian, the Nile looks bloody.
To an Israelite, clear.
What is a highway to one, is disaster to the other (p.30)"

"When you're with everyone but me, you're with no one.
When you are with no one but me, you're with everyone.
Instead of being so bound up with everyone, be everyone.
When you become that many, you're nothing. Empty. (p.28)"

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Half Cookies and Nacho Supreme

A Poem-Type Thing:

I'm going to continue to love you the best that I can, 
With everything that I have, 
In any way that you want it.

You just let me know how: 
From a distance. 
Up close. 
Or in silence (I am going to start working the most through the last one - silence - after this poem).

I am a one or none type. 
I always have been, and always will be.
And you are that one.

I want so much more than just "want you" - like you belong to anyone else but God and yourself anyway...

I want what's best for you -
ESPECIALLY - if it's not being with me (which it probably is).

I don't want you to do anything in return - NOTHING - but let me love you and support you ... in the ways God will let me, and the ways I know how.

I would rather die than hurt you. 

 And if I do hurt you ...

I will fix it. 
Or stop. 
Or die trying.

You are my courage.
You are my abeja reina.
You are my musa ultimum.
You are my ride or die ... I am riding with you in my heart ... or I am dying with none but Christ.

I don't know what's best for you.
I don't know what's best for me.
I don't know what's best for us.

Everybody's a half cookie; only completed and made whole cookies by God. 

Sometimes God puts us on a plate to make 2 cookies instead of 1 for Providence's purposes - and - depending on where God wants to serve those plates (geography-wise).

 But as long as we are all completed 1 cookies first - 
Completed BY and WITH and IN God and ourselves - 
We will all be ok in the long run ... 
Regardless of if we are a 2 platter or not.

I am still working on my cookie, and I don't know where you are at with your cookie.

I want you to figure out your cookie first, 
What Providence wants you to do with your cookie,
After you and God have completed it together. 

Maybe God wants you to be a single cookie...
Or a cookie on another plate with a tastier, hotter, cookie than mine - 
One with more chocolate chips or cinnamon than my cookie has ... 

Or maybe ... God wants our cookies on the same plate (this one scares me the most).
But that's up to you. And I want you to make the best choice - for YOU - in God.

And a fair warning - I would be a butter ring cookie.
Even when God has me together, I still have a big hole ... 

But if you decide you ever want to try ... to be on the same plate that is ...
I will wait ... on the cookie sheet or in the trash ... and I will even bring the milk or tea :)

Moving from cookies to Mexican...

 ... I rather die WAITING for my ONE Nacho Supreme, than by CHOWING THROUGH poisoned tacos...

And I will wait forever if I have to.

Thank you for being my Nacho Supreme ...

I TAKE YOU ... and with everything.

And I will be happy to die waiting :)

<3  Kozy

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Rolling Eyes

They say "Behind every great man is a great woman ... rolling her eyes."

[Actually I don't know who said this. I got it from my FAVORITE cheesy one-liner site http://onelinefun.com/ . Also, when I google it, it comes up as a Jim Carey quote ... so I donno ... but it's true though ... that's the important part ... and I didn't say it ... that's why it's in quotation marks]

So, "if behind every great man is a great woman ... rolling her eyes" - then - what a workout for your eyes being with me would be. BUT - let me say - God made no other eyes in existence ... that I want rolling for me.

Here's hoping :)

All my love, x's and o's
from the head to the toes,
Praying and loving for God's best,
 To all and for all, always in all,
Yours,
Kozy



Friday, September 2, 2016

HELLO MY NAME IS DORIS reaction

Loved this movie.

Quirky, funny, witty, painfully true in too many parts, and awfully awkward in many as well ... so perfect :)

And I also must give my gratitude for this movie - for I never had a good answer to that question - "Who would play you in a movie about your life?"

1st of all, apologies to the poor sap who would put money behind that ... you'd be better off setting up lawn chairs on the sidewalk - letting people watch oncoming traffic - with street vendors trying to clink your piggy banks with popcorn and soda sales than a movie on my life ... but secondly you wouldn't need to! Because this movie does it.

At my heart, I am a 13 year old love angst teenager trapped in the body of a 70 year old [metaphorically of course ...], who likes cats and has too much "baggage" they need to get rid of, chasing a love they can't have ... the story and character may not be a perfect fit, but it's like horseshoes or darts anyway, close enough  ... except Doris is way better dressed than I am (Especially love the hair bows and ties ... cat eye glasses are scrumptious too ... Let's write a list of the things she wears in this movie I don't love ... it would be shorter)

"Hello Doris - my name is Matt; and we have way more in common than I'd like to admit ... and that's not totally a good thing ... but it's not totally a bad thing either :) "

And Sally Field is wonderful as usual. Always a privilege and pleasure to watch.

Anyone who says she can't act anymore or is too old ... you are of course entitled to your opinion.

But my opinion is that Sally Field is a pillar in film and entertainment, and she can act as long as she damn well pleases and I hope she does.

But truly - anyone who likes quirky, fun, heart-touching, painful, quick-witted awkwardness and sweet human interactions and the equally sweet messes they can make should watch this movie.

...and if you don't like those types of movies...just watch it because Sally Field is in it.

PS ... I loved the ending :)
Love, to all,
Kozy

Monday, August 29, 2016

Writing Again

So...I am getting close to writing again.

I hope to finish up the third part of a large story I have been writing.

Here are the first two parts in the anthology and then the 3rd link is the part of the story I am working on now.

The link I have posted here (for the 3rd link that is) is about 1/3 of what I plan on writing for the last link:

https://questandher.wordpress.com/

https://thegoodwithin.wordpress.com/2013/11/26/prologue/

https://thievesonthecross.wordpress.com/2015/05/09/chapter-1/

This is the CHRONOLOGICAL order in terms of story.

 In terms of the order I WROTE them ... I actually wrote The Good Within (1st link) first in actual time.

The stories right now stand alone if you read them all individually, but they have character over-lap and after I finish working on the third part - Thieves on the Cross - I plan on going through and revising and connecting all of them better.

I have been very hesitant to start writing again - because writing is very soul depleting for me - and something I feel compelled to do when it stirs up.

It's a purge, and not always an enjoyable experience. For me anyway.

This may surprise people since I do it so much - but - I hate writing most of the time.

It is something I feel I have to do when it stirs ... it's a piecemeal offer from a peasant, but it's all I have to offer ... I am not very good at it, but I am not good at anything else either really ... so my writing's not much, but it's all I've got - so I will give it to whoever will take it - as long as I can give it.

 I will never be a Rowling, King, or Gaiman ... but maybe I'll get a courtesy gold star and a kiss on the cheek here and there along with high fives from my fellow 'classmates' of the existential, broken beauty, and poisoned chocolate mud pied world we all live in (...have to be frowning or straight faced before we can smile, right?  :)

I also wrote - THIS (link below) - this past year while I was in my last semester of school and just had way too much going on ... this just kind of boiled out of me, never planned on writing it, but once the story got going I couldn't stop ... my only 'mating' is 'sublimating' ... so what can I say :)

https://www.amazon.com/J-P-P-McLeggins-Buggin-Out-World-ebook/dp/B01C68BEM6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472519100&sr=8-1&keywords=j.p.p.+mcleggins#nav-subnav

I am happy with this story as a stand-alone; but I do have a trilogy in mind if the Lord wills it for me to be around to write it; but J.P.P. McLeggins and her "buggy travails" are going to be on the back-burner for awhile.

So here we go ... after I finish the last book of my 'pre-writing' reading list (I like to read lists of books before I write to get me geared and in the mindset to write ... and just for my own enjoyment honestly :) , I am going to go for finishing my 1st draft of Thieves on the Cross - which will take me through the fall and winter if I make it that far ... if the world makes it that far.

God help me in writing and surviving it, and God help whoever reads it if it ever gets finished ...

It's all in God's hands, but I will take any prayers any one reading this would give me, I appreciate you.

And I most certainly offer all my love and prayers and all God's best to and for you always as well.

Here's to surviving this undertaking that's going to take me to the wall - it always does - and this is the most scared I've been to write because I know how much it is going to take out of me this time.

I don't know how much I have left in me, but here goes nothing!

Going down swinging at least God willing ... and I hope you do too with your own work, endeavors, and life :)

PB&Js  (Peace, Blessings and Joy) to all!!!
Love, Be well,
Kozy