Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Last Post for Awhile.

Like so many others, amidst the Donald Trump presidency announcement, I am signing off for awhile.

Whatever is demanded of me will be demanded of me as an individual and global citizen, just as it will be for you, and the whole world, going forward.  

I hope you will always follow the way of truth, justice ... and most importantly love ... in your own life and in the lives of others.

I read a book by Gregory Boyle called Tattoos on the Heart a month or so back.

He is a Jesuit priest and community worker, who has worked with Latino gangs in Eastern LA for over 30 years.

One part of his book that has stuck with me is the idea of "success" over "faithfulness".

He explains that in our world today, everyone wants to know how "successful" your movement, business, career, nonprofit, or what-have you is...

But he explains that Jesus never worried about being "successful"; He just cared about being "faithful."

“Success and failure, ultimately, have little to do with living the gospel. Jesus just stood with the outcasts until they were welcomed or until he was crucified — whichever came first.” 
[Gregory Boyle Tattoos on the Heart]

Boyle talks about how Jesus was "too liberal" for the conservatives, and "too conservative for the liberals," and so he just stood on his own ... with the right people, on the right sides, in the right times ... and just trusted God would be standing with him, on the right side of people and situations, as well.

I am going to leave one last time with a link to an online (free and available) "story series" I have written. 

The stories are a milieu of existential, political, spiritual, science-fiction, hard realities, tough talk, and most importantly love ... love above all things that I have written over the course of the past several years. 

And I am going to leave you with a line from one of my characters from the story, at a very climactic scene in one of the stories, as one of his comrades asks him what he is doing, as he is about to make a difficult decision -- in response he says:

"Always remember brother: many people say, or act, like they want to carry a cross … but when it comes to being nailed to one … they drop that cross, and hand their nails to someone else … not me … nail me to it today, and God willing, I will see you tomorrow…” [Uthman Thieves on the Cross -MJK]

Hopefully I can be as brave as the heroes I read and write about, and hopefully you will be too.

I think the ultimate compliment to the heroes, and stories of triumph and love - that we love - is to become our own heroes of our own story ... of our ONE BIG STORY ... this one we have together ... in this world, with and for, each other:

Here is the link - and hoping for us all - to be our own heroes, in our own ways, for the ONE story and world ... that connects us all:

https://raposs.wordpress.com/

Godspeed, Bless, and Be with, as always and for always,
Kozy (-MJK-)

[PS I miss you RocketGirl :) ... and I meant - do mean - and forever will mean every word, video, post, and quote that I ever shared ... and you can believe that or not, depending on whatever is best for your heart and spirit ... but it is the truth, and don't you ever doubt that ... <3 eternal, as always] 

Thursday, November 3, 2016

My gift, My heart

"This knight's trouble from his childhood-which he never completely grew out of, by the way-was that for him God was a real person: not an abstraction who punished you if you were wicked or rewarded you if you were good, but a real person like Guenever or Arthur or like anybody else...he was personal. Lancelot had a definite idea of what he looked like, and how he felt; and he was somehow in love with this Person. So Lancelot was not really involved in an Eternal Triangle: it was an Eternal Quadrangle, if you catch the idea, which was eternal as well as quadrangular. He had not 'given up' his mistress because he was afraid of some Holy Bogy, but he had been confronted by two people whom he loved. The one was Arthur's Queen, the other a wordless presence who had celebrated Mass at Castle Carbonek. Unfortunately, as so often happens in love affairs, the two objects of his affection were contradictory. It was as if he had been confronted with a choice between Jane and Janet; and as if he had gone to Janet, not because he was afraid that she would punish him if he stayed with Jane, but because he felt, with warmth and pity, that he loved her best. He may even have felt that God needed him more than Guenever did. This was the problem, an emotional problem rather than a moral one, which had taken him into retreat at his abbey, where he had hoped to feel things out. Still, it would not be quite true to say that Lancelot did not come back from some motives of magnanimity. He was a magnanimous man. Even if God's need for him was the greater in normal times, now it was obvious that his first love's need was pressing. Perhaps a man who had left Jane for Janet might have enough love inside him to return for Jane when she was in desperate need, and this love might be compared to pity or to magnanimity or to generosity, if it were not unfashionable, and even a little disgusting, to believe in these emotions. Lancelot, in any case, who was wrestling with his love for Guenever as well as with his love for God, came back to her side as soon as he knew that she was in trouble, and, when he saw her radiant face waiting for him under shameful durance, his heart did turn over inside its habergeon with some piercing emotion ... (The Ill Made Knight by T.H. WHITE p.247-248)."


"Heaven's Gate": 
(...as I will call you here, for you definitely are the Gate to Heaven on this side of the clouds for this bum ... there is no doubt about that)

NEVER 
let anyone treat you with less  goodwill, respect, value, love, gentleness, tenderness, and protection as you are worth - as God's precious daughter - and THE treasure to the world - you ALWAYS are and ALWAYS will be.

I have messed up a lot in life (...and will continue to do so I am sure, as long as I am alive).  I have a lot to apologize for, and will have a lot to continue to apologize for until they "plot my spot, and spot my plot." (...working in the decedent business, you learn to think "outside the box" with some of your analogies [there again!] ... if I didn't have bad jokes I'd have no jokes:)


Being serious though-


I have a lot to apologize for...


BUT - the one thing I will NEVER  apologize for ... is being in love with you ... because it's the best thing that's ever happened to me ... and it ALWAYS will be.


And that's God's truth if I know any at all...


Thank you.

(you be xXx's and I will be your oOo's)

Trust God. Take care. Be well.


<3 eternal
 -MJK-


Monday, October 10, 2016

Thieves on the Cross

Hello everybody.

Here I am posting a link to the 3rd installment of my un-planned (but written over several years now) 'series' [for a lack of a better word].

So I am going to share it in the link below, and now - it's just time to go back and edit and connect things better (I think I am going to re-read and re-edit the 2nd installment The Good Within next).

Thank you if you choose to read it ... as I always say: good, bad, or ugly I put all of myself into what I have written.

So take it or leave it as you see fit.

But my (hope as always) is that something I write connects us (you the reader and me the writer in this particular dance) in idea, sentiment, or heart ... that's the point of any of it all to me anyway :)

Here's the link:

https://raposs.wordpress.com/

God be with and bless to all as always,
Thank you everyone for everything,
<3 Kozy (-MJK-)

Sunday, September 25, 2016

This book ... All in ...

Please read it ...

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1646148356

Vaya con Dios (...and hopefully so will I - just as soon - equally broken and beautiful world of God's children)
-MJK-

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Life Quote

It's funny ... I've been writing blog-posts  over the past few months like this is Taylor Swift or Gwyneth Paltrow's blog or something ... like (A) Anybody is actually reading this and (B) Like anyone gives 30 cents short of a quarter (...a nicer way of saying what I wanted to say there ...).

But I really love life quotes, and one liners, bad dad jokes, etc. etc. just about life, love, and everything underneath, above and in-between. Those types of things are one of the few things that get me through.

Came across this one again (had read it before) ... but it should be stamped across my forehead (or tattooed - I have more experience with that ... some people save money for vacations, seems like I do so for tattoos these days) - anyway - here's the quote:

"In my spare time I read, write, and fall in love with unavailable people." (online quote)

Yep. About right across the board there. And all my own fault in all honesty...

Bury me...
Stamp it on the stone...
And put the dirt on top ...
And don't mind to leak a few times on the grave ...
Will need something to keep me warm while I'm down there ... whenever that may be.

On second thought, just throw me in the trashcan ... a funeral and casket is stupid expensive these days (like it's not hard enough to lose someone you love, now you have to go bankrupt for it too ... criminal).

You can save your brown (dirt that is) and I'll save the green (in the pockets of anyone who would have to make that expense), and just raise a "parting glass" to me instead ... maybe pouring a few swigs for good measure down the dumpster I'm in so I can enjoy it with you (...it will be a good night for the alley mice in the dumpsters that night at least  who have been waiting for some wine with their cheese ... I've always been in it for the cheesy guys and gals in life anyhow :)

One last thing to say ...

Musa Ultimum:

 I just want you to know that even though it was your chocolate chips and cinnamon that attracted me to you in the first place - it was the cracks and breaks in your cookie - that you were brave enough to share - that made me crumble for you.

Your weaknesses, not your strengths, are your greatest strengths ... because it is what connects you to God and others.

All I wanted ... and hope I accomplished was ... for you to know I was "out there" somewhere ... for you to know that I HEAR you ... that I SEE you ... that I LOVE you ... and more important than ANY of that...

God HEARS you.
God SEES you.
God LOVES you.

And God put that love in my heart for you as well ... that's how I know it's real.

God chose to give my romantic heart to you ... and I let Him ... and not despite your cracks and breaks ... but because of them.

That's the kind of God who DOES love you. Who ALWAYS HAS loved you. And the God who ALWAYS WILL love you ... cinnamon, chocolate chips, cracks, breaks - and all the crumby stuff in-between - THAT WE ALL have.

He loves it all, and so do I.

I love you. And I always will. I'll pray for you. And I always do.

AND - I will never hurt you to the best of my ability (though sometimes the best parts of love do hurt, that's a good hurt ... I mean bad hurt ... I will never bad hurt you to the best of my ability).

I will never hurt you ... but I also can't let you hurt me.

I have to do my part on my end (just like you do on your end), to protect both of us, and God will do the rest ... for both of us.

I know I love you, because you are the only thing left on this planet that has the power to destroy me if I let you ...

I can't afford that. It would go against myself, it would go against you, and most importantly it would go against the God who gave us ourselves, each other, the world, and my love - my love for you that is - in the first place.

But I promised you my love, and my prayers always - from the beginning.

I will never take that from you ... as long as I am around to offer it.

 And as long as I have God-given breath and consciousness - in whatever kind of existence this really is - I will unceasingly both love, and pray for you - along with the whole world and every person in it - as long as I do exist in any capacity at all ... one day ... one moment ... one breath at a time ... "you have refreshed my heart" (Philemon 1:4-7) ... and I thank God for it as often as I can, with ALL my breaths :)

God be with, God bless, and Godspeed to all as always,
Love,
Kozy

Friday, September 23, 2016

Some Rumi Excerpts

The following are some Rumi excerpts that stick out to me as I read them from the Coleman Barks translation The Essential Rumi: Expanded Edition (Re-published 2004). All credit  for the following goes to Rumi translator Coleman Barks and his publishing company.

Enjoy :)

 "Lovers pitch tents on a field of nowhere.
They are all one color like that field.
A nursing baby does not know the taste of roasted meat.
To the spirit the foodless scent is food.
To an Egyptian, the Nile looks bloody.
To an Israelite, clear.
What is a highway to one, is disaster to the other (p.30)"

"When you're with everyone but me, you're with no one.
When you are with no one but me, you're with everyone.
Instead of being so bound up with everyone, be everyone.
When you become that many, you're nothing. Empty. (p.28)"

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Half Cookies and Nacho Supreme

A Poem-Type Thing:

I'm going to continue to love you the best that I can, 
With everything that I have, 
In any way that you want it.

You just let me know how: 
From a distance. 
Up close. 
Or in silence (I am going to start working the most through the last one - silence - after this poem).

I am a one or none type. 
I always have been, and always will be.
And you are that one.

I want so much more than just "want you" - like you belong to anyone else but God and yourself anyway...

I want what's best for you -
ESPECIALLY - if it's not being with me (which it probably is).

I don't want you to do anything in return - NOTHING - but let me love you and support you ... in the ways God will let me, and the ways I know how.

I would rather die than hurt you. 

 And if I do hurt you ...

I will fix it. 
Or stop. 
Or die trying.

You are my courage.
You are my abeja reina.
You are my musa ultimum.
You are my ride or die ... I am riding with you in my heart ... or I am dying with none but Christ.

I don't know what's best for you.
I don't know what's best for me.
I don't know what's best for us.

Everybody's a half cookie; only completed and made whole cookies by God. 

Sometimes God puts us on a plate to make 2 cookies instead of 1 for Providence's purposes - and - depending on where God wants to serve those plates (geography-wise).

 But as long as we are all completed 1 cookies first - 
Completed BY and WITH and IN God and ourselves - 
We will all be ok in the long run ... 
Regardless of if we are a 2 platter or not.

I am still working on my cookie, and I don't know where you are at with your cookie.

I want you to figure out your cookie first, 
What Providence wants you to do with your cookie,
After you and God have completed it together. 

Maybe God wants you to be a single cookie...
Or a cookie on another plate with a tastier, hotter, cookie than mine - 
One with more chocolate chips or cinnamon than my cookie has ... 

Or maybe ... God wants our cookies on the same plate (this one scares me the most).
But that's up to you. And I want you to make the best choice - for YOU - in God.

And a fair warning - I would be a butter ring cookie.
Even when God has me together, I still have a big hole ... 

But if you decide you ever want to try ... to be on the same plate that is ...
I will wait ... on the cookie sheet or in the trash ... and I will even bring the milk or tea :)

Moving from cookies to Mexican...

 ... I rather die WAITING for my ONE Nacho Supreme, than by CHOWING THROUGH poisoned tacos...

And I will wait forever if I have to.

Thank you for being my Nacho Supreme ...

I TAKE YOU ... and with everything.

And I will be happy to die waiting :)

<3  Kozy