Monday, August 29, 2016

Writing Again

So...I am getting close to writing again.

I hope to finish up the third part of a large story I have been writing.

Here are the first two parts in the anthology and then the 3rd link is the part of the story I am working on now.

The link I have posted here (for the 3rd link that is) is about 1/3 of what I plan on writing for the last link:

This is the CHRONOLOGICAL order in terms of story.

 In terms of the order I WROTE them ... I actually wrote The Good Within (1st link) first in actual time.

The stories right now stand alone if you read them all individually, but they have character over-lap and after I finish working on the third part - Thieves on the Cross - I plan on going through and revising and connecting all of them better.

I have been very hesitant to start writing again - because writing is very soul depleting for me - and something I feel compelled to do when it stirs up.

It's a purge, and not always an enjoyable experience. For me anyway.

This may surprise people since I do it so much - but - I hate writing most of the time.

It is something I feel I have to do when it stirs ... it's a piecemeal offer from a peasant, but it's all I have to offer ... I am not very good at it, but I am not good at anything else either really ... so my writing's not much, but it's all I've got - so I will give it to whoever will take it - as long as I can give it.

 I will never be a Rowling, King, or Gaiman ... but maybe I'll get a courtesy gold star and a kiss on the cheek here and there along with high fives from my fellow 'classmates' of the existential, broken beauty, and poisoned chocolate mud pied world we all live in (...have to be frowning or straight faced before we can smile, right?  :)

I also wrote - THIS (link below) - this past year while I was in my last semester of school and just had way too much going on ... this just kind of boiled out of me, never planned on writing it, but once the story got going I couldn't stop ... my only 'mating' is 'sublimating' ... so what can I say :)

I am happy with this story as a stand-alone; but I do have a trilogy in mind if the Lord wills it for me to be around to write it; but J.P.P. McLeggins and her "buggy travails" are going to be on the back-burner for awhile.

So here we go ... after I finish the last book of my 'pre-writing' reading list (I like to read lists of books before I write to get me geared and in the mindset to write ... and just for my own enjoyment honestly :) , I am going to go for finishing my 1st draft of Thieves on the Cross - which will take me through the fall and winter if I make it that far ... if the world makes it that far.

God help me in writing and surviving it, and God help whoever reads it if it ever gets finished ...

It's all in God's hands, but I will take any prayers any one reading this would give me, I appreciate you.

And I most certainly offer all my love and prayers and all God's best to and for you always as well.

Here's to surviving this undertaking that's going to take me to the wall - it always does - and this is the most scared I've been to write because I know how much it is going to take out of me this time.

I don't know how much I have left in me, but here goes nothing!

Going down swinging at least God willing ... and I hope you do too with your own work, endeavors, and life :)

PB&Js  (Peace, Blessings and Joy) to all!!!
Love, Be well,

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Dr. D.W. Winnicott Excerpts

Here are a few of my favorite excerpts from D.W. Winnicott's The Child, The Family, and the Outside World: 

*As a sidenote: Anything in bold or single quotation marks ' xxx ' are my own PERSONAL emphasis and are not a reflection of the original publication. All else in the quotations " xxx " besides bolded and [bracketed] words, are from Dr. Winnicott. Thank you! 

"Much is forgotten, but nothing is lost [from personal infancy and childhood]. What better example could direct attention to the vast resources of the unconscious!" (p. 147)

"People need to be provided with a strong stable environment with personal care and love, and gradually increasing doses of freedom [to thrive]." (p. 230)

"The ordinary good mother and father do not want to be worshipped by their children.  They endure the extremes of being idealized and hated, hoping that eventually their children will see them as the ordinary human beings they certainly are." (p. 84)

"Happy are those whose feet are well planted on the earth and yet who keep the capacity for enjoying intense sensations, even if only in the dreams that are dreamed and remembered." (p.70)

"The point is that we don't clamp down reality on the little child, and we hope that we shall not have to clamp it down even when the child is five or six years old, because, if all goes well, by that age the child will have started a scientific interest in this thing that grown-ups call 'the real world.' This 'real world' has much to offer, as long as its acceptance does not mean a loss of the reality of the personal imaginative or inner world." (p. 71)

"If my writing does no more than stimulate others to do better what I am doing here, to support ordinary people and to give them the real and right reasons for their good intuitive feelings, then I shall be satisfied.  Let us do all we can as doctors and nurses for the sick both in body and mind, and let the State do all it can for those who for one reason or another are left stranded, and need care and protection.  But let us also remember that there are, fortunately, some normal men and women, especially among the 'less sophisticated' members of the community, who are not afraid of feelings, and whose feelings we need not fear.  To bring out the BEST in parents, we must leave them full responsibility with regard to what is their own affair, the upbringing of their own family." (p.176)

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Movies I've liked: 2016!!!

It's been awhile since I have written a "movie" list post. I watch movies so sporadically, and the genres I like are all over the place.

 The most comprehensive list I've written (which surprisingly wouldn't need much updating even now probably ... erm ...would have to double check actually) is here:

Movies are like coffee...everyone likes their own cups how they like 'em, but it's whatever gets you warm, up, awakened, and jittery that counts (...jittery is only good in some cases I suppose). And in the end, it's all coffee, no matter how you sugar and cream it up.

So love, watch, and take in the art that speaks to you, and brings and motivates the best out of you personally. That's ultimately the point of movies, film, paintings, music, plays, art period in my opinion.

And as for me - I definitely lean towards existential, indie, romantic, dark comedy, artsy type films - but I will watch pretty much ANYTHING ( long as I have a big enough bag of gummy bears and orange juice to go with it...hey, every pooh bear has a different honey in their honey pot I put money on).

I watched a TON of movies this past year though, just to get me through school and life, and since someone on social media asked me what my favorite movie was this year, I thought I'd write a quick list.

Some of these I watched for the first time, many I had seen, but decided to re-watch because it had been awhile.

The only movies I saw in theaters I think since December of 2015 are CREED, THE JUNGLE BOOK, and HUMAN THE MOVIE. I saw all those at the Byrd Theatre which is off Cary Street, in Richmond VA. It's an old-time theater that plays movies that have been out over a few months for $2's pretty cool.

I refuse to pay $10.00 for a movie in theaters unless I know it's going to be stellar ... for $10 I rather get Mexican food and a beer with a friend (...or some equivalent there-to).

Anyway ... here is the quick list:

-Amelie (Been meaning to see this one awhile, good love story; I love the search for love, and the writer character, and the helper at the fruit stand ... good movie)
-Skid Row (Important documentary about homelessness on Skid Row - where Pras - of the Fugees - lives as a homeless man for a period of time with actual people on the street. Several years old now, but still relevant and important)
-Malcolm X (re-watched this one. Classic Denzel - one of my favorite biopics, think it is very well done. Also revived the term "dear heart" for me [Malcolm's wife always refers to him as "dear heart" in the film])
-Stranger than Fiction (I was very hesitant and never watched this movie when it came out, because Will Ferrell movies are very hit or miss for me. That being said, this is my favorite Will Ferrell movie. He does a stupendous job and Emma Thompson is great as well. Very good movie)
-13 Conversations About One Thing (13 Conversations About One Thing: Think the movie CRASH, but more existential than political and cultural commentary, and Matthew Mcconaughey instead of Don Cheadle as a central character. GREAT cast).
-Art School Confidential (This movie was odd, eccentric, and a little out there ... which I like mostly. Not a great movie, but solid. I like the sentiments and themes more than any particular performance. Solid - though admittedly, for the more indie crowd - movie)
-The New Guy (Been years since I saw this movie.  Remembered it as funnier than it was. This movie is terrible. I still love you Eddie Griffin, but God this movie is so bad ... sorry)
-Hamlet 2 (re-watched this movie. I like this movie a lot. I don't know why, it just feels like a little hidden gem. It's not laugh out loud funny all the way through, but there are just little jokes sprinkled in for good measure when and where you need them. And the musical part at the end is almost as brilliant as the random Elisabeth Shue cameo throughout. This movie is not for everyone, have to go into it with an open mind, a lot of patience, and maybe something alcoholic too to drink is not a bad idea :)
-Clean and Sober (One of my favorite Michael Keaton movies ... period)
-The Tempest (I have never seen a live production of this Shakespearean classic, but this movie wasn't bad. Thought Helen Mirren and Djimon Hounsou were awesome. I donno, I liked it)
-The Invention of Lying (Solid little comedy with Ricky Gervais)
-Irrational Man (VERY dark dram-edy. Joaquin Phoenix and Emma Stone were great as usual)
-Her (Awesome. Watch it)
-Barabbas, Viva Zapatas, The Savage Innocents (I got on an Anthony Quinn kick - love everything he's in - one of my all time favorite actors. Zorba the Greek is a must for whoever who has not seen it)
-Sunshine Cleaning (Cute little movie with Amy Adams and Emily Blunt ... cleaning dirty dishes and the counter top don't seem so bad after watching this movie)
-Barney Thomson (I really love Robert Carlyle. This movie was a solid dark comedy, about a barber who ends up cutting more than hair...that's all I will say. Emma Thompson is again great as his mom.)
-Full Monty (Sometimes old stuff is the best stuff. Had seen this before, but needed a re-watch. Was not disappointed :)
-Kinky Boots (Joel Edgerton, Chiwetel Ejiofor, good story, and good fun. What more do you need? :)
-Harry Potter 4 - Harry Potter 7 (rewatched 4 and FINALLY finished 5, 6, and 7 while studying for my finals ... proved to be good study breaks :)
-Keeping the Faith (Good. Watch it!)
-Ruby Sparks (Really good - watch it - hit a little too close to home in some parts, but sometimes those are the best movies, books, art, anyway :)
-Intermission (With Cillian Murphy and Colin Farrell. Eh - it was ok - those guys were good in it atleast.)
-Stand and Deliever (Classic teacher motivates students movie...always a good watch)
-Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (was ok ... my favorite part was Alan Rickman's depressed robot ... Alan Rickman is my favorite part in a lot of the movies he's in, and this was no exception. Also Mos Def (Yassin Bey) was in it, and I really like his music; he's a decent actor too [better than me!])
-Galaxy Quest (Classic. What's not to like?)
-John Dies at the End (I hear the book is really good, and the movie was very interesting. Kind of gory, scify-ish, ghoulish, with some dark humor. It was ok - I'd give it like a 5 or 6 out of 10 stars. Some of the special effects were really cool though, and the dog was my favorite character...that's more my problem than the movie's probably though...)
-Locke (Psychological thriller with Tom Hardy. Maybe too slow for some, but I thought it was really good and thought provoking ... not that Tom Hardy needs any "roll buttering" from this humbug ... but was good)
-A Knight's Tale (Cheesy classic. But who doesn't like cheese :) Peace to you Heath Ledger)
-Death to Smoochy (Wow ... like a Barney and Sesame Street acid trip ... pretty wild, not for everyone, but I liked it [...I had plenty of gummy bears and orange juice for this one...]. Ed Norton was my favorite, but Robin Williams is always great in everything too)
-Disney presents: BEARS (documentary about a mama bear protecting her cubs for their first year of life in the wild ... everything I love about everything :)
-Law Abiding Citizen (Gerard Butler, Jamie Foxx. Good pace, brutal, BRUTAL story in some parts. Not for the faint of heart. But gives you the "what would you do" thinks and feels by the end - which can be good however you get those moments sometimes)
-The Bodyguard (Can't believe this movie is OVER 20 years old [came out in 1992, so that means it's 24 years old!!!! Ahhhh, I'm old!!!] I remember this coming on as a kid on TBS or TNT and always flipping to cartoons or an action movie I was too young to be watching. Finally finished the whole thing. Cheesy, but cheese pizza is my favorite type of pizza (with extra cheese!). Plus seeing Whitney Houston in her prime really hit me hard. Like a shooting star, so beautiful and awe-stopping in her own way, and now resting in the clouds. This movie encapsulates the best of Whitney Houston for me .... Kevin Costner was alright too :)
-9 (The post apocalyptic animated movie with the sock puppets. Very simple but deep themed movie, and very artsy, which I like - 2nd time seeing it)
-Goemon (Japanese buffet flick ... what I mean by that ... it has a little bit of everything in it ... good, bad and ugly, but mostly good [...I did really enjoy it!])
-Skyfall ( The only other Daniel Craig Bond flick I have seen is Casino Royale and this one. I liked it. It was a solid movie. I am not a huge Bond fan necessarily, but this is one of the ones I liked more than others I have seen...sad ending though)
-Last Starfighter (Classic. Especially in my generation. Everyone dreams that their hours and hours of video game playing is secretly preparing them for inter-galactic battle, in which they will be fighting for the very preservation of the universe.....and of course that they get to sweep their woman off her feet in their own personal space ship at the end....just saying)
-One Chance (James Corden flick, and based [with some artistic liberties I'm sure] Britain's Got Talent winner Paul Potts. A nice feel good movie and underdog story. I like those a lot :)
-Music Within (Great feel good movie. Love!)
-The Music Never Stopped (Another great feel good movie with J.K. Simmons and Lou Taylor Pucci. Double love [two scoops on that ice cream movie!].. Good father/son story at its heart)

So, that is a list, of not every movie I saw .... but most of them for this year ... and I saved for last MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF THE YEAR (AND ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME NOW): SUNSHINE ON LEITH

This is the best feel good movie I have seen EVER. It has great songs, a stupendous cast, and a great story. This world needs as much feel good as it can get these days. It's movies, music, and art like Sunshine on Leith that I miss and that is the best of what art and film should and could be.

I love Jurassic Park and Star Wars as much as anyone else ... but when Jurassic Park 5 and Star Wars 7 are the "best movies" that came out in a given year ... I think the film industry has major problems. I understand that what sells sells ... but heart and art is priceless ... and we need more of it ... and we will never stop needing more of it.


(PS the documentary Tattoo Nation about the start of prison style tattooing in LA in 1975 by "Good Time Charlie's" ... was pretty boss sauce too ... check it out!)

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Your Smile :)

I heard a quote in a movie once, I can't recall which movie now, something along the lines of:

"Becoming a man means doing what's best for everyone. Even at the expense of yourself."

God ... I hope I am getting there ...

Dear heart, heaven's eyes, my courage:

I am letting go of your hand for now ... but I will never let you out of my prayers and heart.

You will always be the Queen Bee in the hive of my heart, that makes all the honey and sweetness inside...

  BUT - you will also always be better off in God's hands than my own. We both know that is true.

It's been a long time since I've wanted something in my life - it's been so long actually - I didn't know I could want "anything" at all anymore ...

 I usually let my life and actions be dictated by obligation and what I feel to be right and Providence's will for my life in the small and big things (though I mess that up a lot too).

BUT - all I want in my life, in life period ... is your smile.
I want you to smile whatever it takes, and however it takes to get it on your face ... as often as possible, for all time.

                MAN OVERBOARD: ANYTHING (lyrics) from HEAVY LOVE

                     " She always said that I walked a crooked line
                  Wake me up please, before you go
                  I’m boarding up this soul of mine
                  Loved you more than you’ll ever know

                  Tell me something, I’ll tell you anything
                  You need to know, like I said before
                 If you’re hurting for something, please just say anything
                 You would had known, like I said before

                 I’d say anything to make you smile
                 I’d say anything to make you stay a little while
                 I’d do anything to make you stay forever 
                 cause forever don’t mean nothing without you." 

                 (Man Overboard via RiseRecords)

Here's hoping, and Love eternal, and God's will,
For "Anything" AND "Always"

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Quote about suffering and Alzheimer's

"Hope is not about believing you can change things. Hope is about believing that you make a difference." -Vaclav Havel
"In short, the resurrection of Christ is the source of the Christian hope that however great the suffering and loss, nothing in 'all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord' (Romans 8:39). As Paul makes clear, however, and German theologian J├╝rgen Moltmann reaffirms, before the resurrection was the cross, which 'reveals what is truly evil in the world, ... the unredeemed condition of the world and its sinking into nothingness.' Thus genuine Christian hope is NOT an unrealistic refusal to accept the negativities of life but a realization that even those negativities, even a whole world 'groaning in travail together' (Rom 8:22), even something as vicious and damnable as Alzheimer's disease, cannot prevail against the power and love of God." [GOD NEVER FORGETS: FAITH, HOPE AND ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE, Stephen Sapp p. 102]

Monday, July 25, 2016

They're finished...and so am I for awhile...

Hello everybody,

I am hoping God's best, mercy, love, goodness, and fullness of joy to you this and all your days.

So ... if you didn't know I have two GINORMOUS tattoos on my forearms (...had to add some color to my personality at one point in life if you know what I mean - plus as far as reminder notes go...tattoos save on post-it notes in the long term).

WELL - I am finally getting my right arm finished today.  

After today, both arms will be full and have some symmetry (I will work on symmetrizing my brain for my next undertaking).

(1) The tattoos will always represent to me Loving God (right arm):

Cloud, dove, and cross represent God - and underneath is written "Love" - because - God is love.

The open hands with pierce marks has a verse written in it Isaiah 49:15-16 which says: "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget,I will not forget you. See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands."

So God is saying that the love He has for us is greater than that even of a mother's for a child - which is the purest and strongest love we know between human beings when it is operating out of a mother's heart as intended. That's pretty cool to this guy.

There is also a banner above the hands that reads "In His Hands" - because we are all in God's hands, all the time, even though it doesn't always feel like it, God's always "holding us down" - just like gravity - whether we're aware of it or not.

AND so what I got added today was a banner above the dove that says "Vaya con Dios" which means "Go with God" in Spanish - AND in the stain-glass portion of the tattoo, encasing the cloud, the dove, and the cross I got the 9 attributes that constitute the Fruit of the Spirit: Joy (the red lipped smile), Peace (the peace sign), Patience (the turtle), Self control (the samurai sword) , Kindness (puzzle piece), Faithfulness (dog ... I know cats aren't!), Gentleness (teddy bear), Goodness (a thumbs up)  ... and Love ... was already there ... because again, that's not just an attribute, that's what God IS in God's very essence (from what I've experienced).  And so that's my right arm:

(2) My left arm represents Loving People and so - from top to bottom:

The top and bottom banner read: "We're all equal" (top banner) - "As God's children" (bottom banner).

The stain glass in the middle: The "EP" stands for "every person", and, starting at the top of the stain glass and going clockwise - the red hoody represents clothing, the bee represents food and pollination, the blue water jug represents water, and the chess piece represents knowledge. 

Because EVERY PERSON deserves clothing, food, water, and knowledge and they deserve to "seize it all" (Carpe Omnia Latin banner in the middle).

I am really grateful I lived long enough to allow God to complete these tattoos from my FIRST RATE tattoo artist - David Boisineau at Absolute Art in Richmond, VA.

It's gotten to the point now where I would not get work done by anyone, unless it was David - so I have never been good at art, but I'm happy to be a canvas to such a great artist. 

Thank you David - appreciate you and your work more than I could ever put into words.

So ... my tattoos are finished ... and so am I for awhile ... 

I'm going to try to focus on my new jobs for awhile, finish my "pre-writing" reading list ... and then start writing again - a story I want to complete (only about a third of the way done of a rough draft right now) if God wills it.

But I am going to try to take a break from posting and blogging for a while.

If I get back on Twitter though - I am going to again refocus on sharing other people's things - I got "love bit" by someone for about the past 7 months (like real "love bit" - not the fun and poppy emotional kind, and not the sappy girl crushy kind I've felt before ... but the painful and heart wrenching and soul purging kind ... the real thing ... never thought that was going to happen, but it has, so I am dealing with it the best I can...) - but I will again keep her to myself as the star in the sky of my heart - my "musa ultimum" and spare the rest of the world from that part of myself for awhile. 

Just know dear heart that God has chosen to give my heart to you for you to take or leave as you see fit - and it will be yours to take or leave as long as I'm on this earth to give it from near or afar - giving my love always ONLY in whatever ways are best for you. 

THAT being said - when it comes to romantic love from me ... it may be best from afar for any woman. 

I'm like a popsicle - good from a "cool" and distant place - but will melt in your hand, and make a mess in it - if you hold it too long. 

Or a firecracker, a good show from a distance - but a Grade A missile from too close a proximity. 

I'm like a burning building, get the light from me while you can, but the building is going down...just because the yard looks good from the street, doesn't mean there isn't a good amount of dog poo in the a nutshell...I have more baggage than an airport terminal.

What I am trying to say is...I love you. And because I love you I want what's best for you. And I am not convinced that I am what's best for you. 

But if you do ever need me, I will always "meet you half way" in any way I can, as long as God gives me a breath and a will on the blue and green speck we call "home for now".

And that's all the blues there are to play from my end about all that jazz.


For everybody ELSE, ANY ONE reading this - brother or sister of humanity - whoever is reading this - know that I am loving, praying, and hoping only God's best for you always AS always - one day, one breath at a time as we all just keep throwing coal in our own ways to keep the train of this world on track with goodness, and truth, and love - which the world needs now more than ever.  

To each and every person who reads this: You are vital to this world. You are the only you that will ever exist, and are the only one in the places to touch the people around you God has put in your path. 

Love where and when you can, however you can now, in little ways - little things make the big things ... just ask a pizza ... but your love is always needed by someone (including loving yourself when needed) - in some way - all the time. I promise.

Just know that "when I'm dreaming, you know I'm gonna dream, I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you [THE PROCLAIMERS]" and praying for and loving ALL OF YOU - all the people of the world - as often as I can. One and all.

Love, forever and a day,

Thursday, July 21, 2016

...Til the end

So - I have been reflecting and thinking for a bit (never a good combination for me...just glad there is anything going on up there most of the time, and grateful that I don't have to change the bulb out yet).

And here is my life goal, for whatever is left of it.

My life goal is: to HELP more people in this world than I HURT - while I am in it - with whatever time I have left.

I don't know how good a job I have done of that so far ... of helping more than I have hurt people that is to say.

I will leave that up to a more objective jury (I wouldn't even trust myself to judge "America's Got Talent" but you shouldn't either - trust me about that!), and someone better than me at math - I can't add up a math equation let alone a life ... I'll leave that to the calculators.

But that is my goal, to have been more help to the world and the people in it, than I have hurt people and the world we all live in.

I am grateful if I have been of any help to anyone.

And I am sorry - to the point of death - if I have hurt ANYONE in ANY WAY at ANY TIME.

Thank you. Forgive me. Respectively. And BOTH from the very bottom ... of all of my heart.

And I pray by God's grace, that will be the case that I have been of more good than bad in this world, when it's all "over and done with" for me.

But time will tell.

I try to trust myself as little as possible, trust God as much as possible, and not care about what anyone else thinks as long as I have done the first two to the best of my ability.

Now - there have been some bumps and bruises along the way - but like fruit - when it comes to me ... I just hope you eat around the bad spots (...or make your own pie out of the scraps - it's hard to mess up a pie if you make it yourself...but if you do mess it up, at least it's your own mess, and most people like their own mess than that of others, even though the truth is we're all messy somewhere ;)

It's like Lucky Charms: I bring the the bland cereal - and God brings the marsh mellow dudes ... and I just hope the marsh mellows God provides, makes it worth putting up with the dry crumby stuff I provide in someone else's bowl ... whether that be through interaction, or service, writing, or otherwise.

No man or woman is as good/or bad as his or her message. They are only men and women, and it is only a message.

The only messages you can trust are God's - from God's heart to yours, as often as they are given, and as often as you seek them.

Love people ... but trust God.

Love yourself ... but trust God.

Love and Trust God ... above everyone else ... because it is only God who gives us to each other, loves us through each other, and connects us all together in the first place ...

God is the roots and we are the fruit ... but there is no fruit, if there are no roots.

God be with and bless EACH and EVERY person - who has, who does, WHO EVER WILL exist - with all  the fullness of God's love, mercy, and goodness filling all your days, and in all ways.

Whether God is picking you up from falls, or carrying you forward in life, it's God's arms all of us are always in, individually first, and collectively second.

May you always know - no matter how dark it gets, no matter how bad it seems, even if you feel abandoned by the whole world, abandoned by yourself even - the truth is - you are in God's arms all the way ... forever and a day ... and that YOU know that truth better than you know anything else in existence or consciousness ... THIS is what I pray.

Love, ALWAYS through the God who IS LOVE, and in every way,

"Vaya con Dios para siempre"